i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
