I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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