I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
