He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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