I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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