i wish starbucks made bloody marys
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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