You can't motorboat a personality
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
