I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Small penises have feelings too.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
honey bunches of taint.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
