A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
