the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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