If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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