Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
what day is it and did you see me today?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
