saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
