if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
