I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
