i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
