Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Are we still banned from the library?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize