Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
time to smoke my breakfast
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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