Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
