He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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