the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
