I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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