i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
