textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
