Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
