Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
