My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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