ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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