im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
