:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
