o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
