They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
