I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
