I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize