Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
