I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
