If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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