I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Every concussion has its silver lining
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
