Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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