Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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