Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
