i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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