God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
