Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Hippo gnu deer
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
