it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
