I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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