We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
