I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
