He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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