He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
