Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it was like eating out sand paper
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
