God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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