We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
