omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
