you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
