The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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