Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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