I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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