Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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