My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
