I have demons in me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.