Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao