i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
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Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.