I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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