Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.