Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
