how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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