You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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