Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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